Incorrect Quotes

[Miss Muffet]

The Rules of the Game: Find an incorrect quote (either from an incorrect quote generator, other pieces of media or even your own imagination) and add a character from the Buffyverse that matches the character the person before you puts. Feel free to add any other characters

To start:

Spike: I was arrested for being too cool.
Angel: The charges were dropped due to a lack of supporting evidence.

Next character: Buffy

 

[BibliophileAnn]

Buffy: I have wanted to be a slayer my whole life.
Angel: I couldn’t wait to be a Vampire.

 

[thetopher]

Buffy: *holding bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?
Faith: *chugs entire bottle*
Faith: It's perfume.

Buffy: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.
Faith: You and me, girlfriend!!
Buffy: *tearing up* Okay.

Buffy: Is something burning?
Spike: Just my burning love for you.
Buffy: Spike, the toaster is on fire.

Fred: Y'know, not every problem can be solved with a gun.
Wesley: That's why I carry two guns.

 

[Miss Muffet]

Buffy: I actually have a black belt.
Willow: In what, karate?
Buffy: No, from Gucci.

Next character: Cordelia

 

[Stake fodder]

Cordelia: You saved me. I owe you my life.
Angel: No thanks. I’ve seen it and I’m not very impressed.

Cordelia: This is such a bad idea.
Angel: Then why are you coming along?
Cordelia: One of us needs to be able to talk the cops out of arresting us when this inevitably goes wrong.

Next: Xander

 

[Cohen]

Xander: You know, I'm starting to regret showing you how that blender works.
Anya (drinking toast): Why do you say that?


Anya: Don’t worry, I have a few knives up my sleeve.
Xander: I think you mean cards.
Anya (pulling knives out of their sleeves): No, I do not.

Next character: Lorne

 

[BibliophileAnn]

Lorne: I hate when people ask me, 'What did you do today?' Buddy listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don't KNOW!

Lorne: Oh, so when crows remember people who wronged them and hold grudges, its “intelligent” and “really cool”.
Lorne: But when I do it, I’m “petty” and “need to let it go”.

 

[fauxindigo]

Angel: How do you know she's sick? (about Fred)
Cordelia: Look at her! Her skin is so sweaty and pale and almost green like she's about to vomit.
Lorne: ... I resent that. (while drinking a martini)

Next: Giles

 

[BibliophileAnn]

Rupert Giles: Please! Pretend I'm useful!
Rupert Giles: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.

 

[Miss Muffet]

Giles, walking into his house: Hello, people who do not live here.
Buffy: Hey!
Xander: Hi.
Willow: Hello.
Giles: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only!
Buffy: We were out of Doritos.

Next: Dawn

 

[Cohen]

Buffy: I know you snuck out last night, Dawn.
Willow: Play dumb!
Dawn: Who's Dawn?
Willow: NOT THAT DUMB!!!


In Spike’s Crypt..
Dawn: You're 'the second worst thing to ever happen to those orphans', what does that mean?
Spike: It means i was second worst thing to happen to those orphans.
Dawn: but what’s the first worst thing?
*Awkward pause*
Spike: Dawn, they...they weren’t always orphans.
Dawn:

 

[Miss Muffet]

Dawn: People are always asking me if I'm a morning person or a night person.
Dawn: And I'm just like, 'Buddy! I'm barely even a PERSON!'

Next: Angel

 

[thetopher]

Wesley: I made tea.
Angel: I don't want tea.
Wesley: I did not make tea for you, this is my tea.
Angel: Then why are you telling me?
Wesley: It's a conversation starter.
Angel: That's a pretty lousy conversation starter.
Wesley: Oh, is it? We're conversing. Checkmate.

Angel: Schrödinger’s cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that’s both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

Buffy: *pondering* What's a word that's a mix between 'sad' and 'mad'?
Angel: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated-
Faith: Smad.


Next: Gunn.

 

[Miss Muffet]

Angel: I think we're missing something.
Cordelia: Teamwork?
Wesley: Cohesion?
Gunn: A general sense of what we’re doing?

Next: Willow

 

[Cohen]

Willow: I’m kind of crushing on someone, but I’m worried about telling you who it is, because you’re not going to like it
Buffy: Just rip the bandage off.
Willow: It’s Xander.
Buffy: Put the bandage back on.


*Willow and Tara are doing something absurdly dangerous*
Willow: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time!
Tara, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

Next: Lilah

 

[Miss Muffet]

Lilah: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

Next: Fred

 

[RachM]

Fred: I am brilliant. Which has often been misconstrued as "mad".

Next: Drusilla

 

[Miss Muffet]

Drusilla: Maybe the real monster was the friends we both literally and figuratively murdered along the way.

Spike: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-
Drusilla: It was me.
Spike: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

Drusilla, peeling a banana: May I take your jacket, sir? Hahahaha.
Darla: You know other people can hear you, right?
Drusilla: Yes.

Next: Darla

 

[TheXandyman]

Darla: *lurks out of the shadows* what a pleasant surprise. The slayer's boy out walking on his own. A fine night, isn't it? Certainly a perfect night for snacki-* she stops talking, and notices the bag in his hand* why are you walking around in the cemetery with a big sack of lollipops?'
Xander: Because I'm the Xandyman!

Next: Gunn

 

[Miss Muffet]

Gunn: You’re giving me a sticker?
Cordelia: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying “me-wow!”
Gunn: I’m not a preschooler.
Cordelia: Fine, I’ll take it back-
Gunn: I earned this, back off!

Next: Angel