NotASlayer
𝕮𝖍𝖔𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖆𝖙𝖊 𝕻𝖗𝖎𝖓𝖈𝖊𝖘𝖘 🍫 👸🏻
Taking a look at things, starting with Spike "fighting to get his soul back." As has been pointed out, Spike loves fighting; he was ecstatic in "Doomed" to find he could hit something. Having to fight a bunch of demons is more of his idea of an enjoyable way to spend a day than a sacrifice. Yes, in Sunnydale, he suffered some pain, but Spike is also shown to be at least something of a masochist. So, not really as big of an issue as it could be.
His "suffering" in the basement is so laughably pathetic it's even called out in-universe for this. Angel, on getting a soul, spent decades suffering for it. Spike spent a couple of weeks in a basement slightly mad. Why the difference? Angel was overcome by guilt for what he did; Spike felt none. He didn't apologise to anyone for anything he had done, literally said he didn't believe in redemption and didn't have any problems walking around in theskin coat taken from Nikki's corpse in front of her son. Yet somehow we're expected to believe that Spike, who showed no remorse for anything he had done even after getting a soul, was somehow so overcome with remorse without a soul chose to get one. Him being betrayed by the demon and given a soul not the chip out at least fits what's shown.
And then there's his coming back to Sunnydale. Rather than reading as if this was done for love, this reads as if someone found a list of behaviours for narcissistic abusers and started checking them off.
Refusal to allow his victim to get on with her life? Check.
Refusal to take responsibility for any of his actions? Check.
Blame his wrongdoings on his victim? Check.
Lack of guilt over his actions? Check.
Demand gratitude for something he chose to do? Check.
Separate his victim from everyone else in her life? Check.
Make his victim believe she can only depend on him? Check, and Buffy saying this was such an enormous red flag and indication that something was very badly wrong with her that it should not have been overlooked.
It took Spike seeing Hell with a soul, knowing he was going to go back there and getting his hands chopped off for him to finally start feeling remorse for anything he had done.
His "suffering" in the basement is so laughably pathetic it's even called out in-universe for this. Angel, on getting a soul, spent decades suffering for it. Spike spent a couple of weeks in a basement slightly mad. Why the difference? Angel was overcome by guilt for what he did; Spike felt none. He didn't apologise to anyone for anything he had done, literally said he didn't believe in redemption and didn't have any problems walking around in the
And then there's his coming back to Sunnydale. Rather than reading as if this was done for love, this reads as if someone found a list of behaviours for narcissistic abusers and started checking them off.
Refusal to allow his victim to get on with her life? Check.
Refusal to take responsibility for any of his actions? Check.
Blame his wrongdoings on his victim? Check.
Lack of guilt over his actions? Check.
Demand gratitude for something he chose to do? Check.
Separate his victim from everyone else in her life? Check.
Make his victim believe she can only depend on him? Check, and Buffy saying this was such an enormous red flag and indication that something was very badly wrong with her that it should not have been overlooked.
It took Spike seeing Hell with a soul, knowing he was going to go back there and getting his hands chopped off for him to finally start feeling remorse for anything he had done.
hoponlilmama
And as you pointed out, Buffy appeared happier when Spike wasn't in the picture. When he returns, her demeanour changes.