Was Joyce a Good Mom?

[KaitKat]

Was Joyce a good mom to Buffy? Did your opinion about her change as the series went on?

 

[Miss Muffet]

All in all, I think she did the best with what she could.

She tried to connect with Buffy, even though it was hard (before and after she found out she was the Slayer).
She always did what she thought was best (like grounding Buffy in 'Bad Eggs', which she thought was the right thing to do).
She axed down Spike in 'School Hard', and didn't leave her daughter behind with the 'gangs on PCP' (though that just seems like something any decent mother would do).
She talked with Angel about leaving because she believed it would be better for Buffy, whiles knowing he's a vampire (and I doubt she completely grasped the fact he was different than he was in 'Passion', considering even Giles and/or Xander couldn't do that).

Of course she had her mistakes -- kicking Buffy out of the house (and possibly some of her actions in 'Dead Man's Party', though it's been a while since I've watched that episode) -- but who doesn't?

I never had an extremely strong opinion on her, but I do believe she was a good mother.

 

[thrasherpix]

I'd say yes. She was certainly flawed (and I can be snarky over her behavior, words, and priorities at times), but better than a great many other mothers would be in her situation (and Buffy wasn't the perfect daughter, either, even ignoring the Slayer stuff). I'm overlooking some stuff that I blame on mystical influences (like in Gingerbread).

I've also found that the older I get, the easier it is to overlook her flaws (some that have become so trivial to me as to barely even register). I also see more and more parallels between Joyce and Buffy that I didn't at first (and hasn't been by many fans), good and bad, which I like as it feels more real to me that way.

 

[LemonBanana]

I think she was, she supported Buffy all in all and tried her best to protect her. It must have been hard for Joyce when her daughter is like 'oh yeah vampires are real and I'm the slayer' but she adapted pretty well and was there for Buffy which was the main thing. I mean, both Buffy and Joyce had their flaws but who doesn't, really? As long as you can understand why someone reacted/did the things they did and whether it came from a good place or not, and all of what Joyce did was what she thought was best for Buffy (like grounding her and stuff)

 

[Anyanka Bunny Slayer]

She tried to be a good mom. It couldn't have been easy, moving to a new town, with a teenaged daughter. And obviously, the whole Buffy/vampire thing must have pushed her to the brink. I believe that she was still pissed off about Buffy's prior "troubles" at her old schools...which is probably why she threw her out of the house that time. (I can relate to this, having been tossed out twice as a teen lol)

Also, her talk with Angel DEFINITELY showed how much she cared about her daughter. She wanted her to have a normal, happy life and that couldn't possibly happen with a vampire.

 

[ILLYRIAN]

Yeah naughty Joyce, she had the audacity to go and die before Buffy reached adulthood. Although I suppose you can't blame her because the American hospital system was so crap. She should have got a decent medical cover from her job.
As mothers go I'll give her an 8.5 out of 10.

 

[KaitKat]

She tried to be a good mom.

I think you summed up my feelings perfectly. I think she’s in a tough situation, her daughter burned down the gym at her previous school. I actually think she gets it wrong a lot especially in the early seasons but I do think that she loves Buffy and tried to be a good mom.

If we are including the revelation that Buffy was in a psych ward in Normal Again then I would say that she’s a bad mom, not for that but for being willfully ignorant of what’s going on in Buffy’s life following something like that, but I’m not including it because there were no indications outside of that episode that it ever actually happened.

 

[coffeemaker]

She was a great mom, I think. Obviously a lot of the early season "issues" that she's had are obviously the result of not knowing Buffy was the Slayer - but that's an extraordinary situation. Joyce's lowest moment is at the end of Season 2, threatening Buffy to not return if she leaves. But once Buffy and Joyce reconcile, their relationship is stronger than ever. See This Year's Girl (s4e15) where Joyce has full confidence in Buffy rescuing her. By season 5, the fruits of Joyce's childrearing are evident; Buffy is remarkably mature, caring, with a "tough love" that really reflects Joyce. And after Joyce dies, Buffy realizes that her responsibilities to Dawn come before anything else - Buffy could not have been so selfless and self-sacrificing without Joyce living as the example - the independent single mother who matches up to her children's demands.

 

[Cohen]

I truly think she was a good mom. She was always there for her daughter. In the early years, she was actively learning about how to be a good parent, reading articles and books. Trying to practice good parenting. It's not her fault that Buffy had the tendency to jump out her bedroom window. And, arguably, she became a surrogate mother to each of the Scoobies, which is why her death hit so hard in season 5. It wasn't just Buffy who was grieving, but the whole gang. While we didn't always see it on screen, I imagine Joyce had built positive maternal relationships with each of the Scoobies by season 5. Willow and Xander had crappy parents, who were constantly absent or abusive. Joyce filled that role for them, while she was alive.

 

[Joan the Vampire Slayer]

I think she did the best she could, and overall she was a good mom. It was a bad call telling Buffy to leave, but I think Joyce deeply regretted that choice.
Parenting is hard, and especially parenting someone like Buffy.

 

[Cohen]

I think she did the best she could, and overall she was a good mom. It was a bad call telling Buffy to leave, but I think Joyce deeply regretted that choice.
Parenting is hard, and especially parenting someone like Buffy.

I think it shows the humanity in her. She lost it. She felt like she had all these missteps, and in that moment, she reacted like an exhausted human. No parent is perfect, and I think that scene showed her being an exhausted parent. But she didn't abandon her daughter, like Willow's parents did. She didn't move her daughter to the basement and ask her to pay rent, like Xander's parents did. She had a moment, where she said something terrible, and immediately regretted it. She spent all summer trying to find Buffy, and when she finally got her back, she not only accepted Buffy for who she was, she tried hard to understand it and be a part of her life. The whole scenario reads very LGBT, especially considering the time it was written.

 

[Trepkos]

She let her daughter go out to clubs almost every school night, which didn't seem sensible at all. She kept nagging her over the fact they had to move, which from the POV of someone who knows she's the Slayer really grates. And says "don't get kicked out" in a "kidding ... not kidding" way which I hate. Still, she was better than mine!

 

[Cohen]

Did she “let” her go out? Or did Buffy go without permission? Also, it seems that the Bronze was a hangout all the kids in Sunnydale went to. So I wouldn’t hold that part against her.

 

[The Bronze]

No I don't think she was. She loved Buffy and had lots of great parenting moments but I wouldn't describe her as a good mum. I think she's willfully ignorant of the slaying gig, more so than others in Sunnydale where letting weird things slide is more understandable.

Far too often on a personal level with Buffy she's cold, distant and disinterested. She's not my idea of a good mum. Appreciate slayers mum is a tough gig but the best I could stretch too to describe her as a mum is average.

 

[Taake]

Watching Killed by Death I am questioning Joyce a bit again as a parent, like Buffy ends up in the hospital and Giles shows up.

Joyce’s only comment is how lovely it is that he looks out for Buffy, but really… When you were 16, if an adult teacher kept turning up around your child, for no real reason (how would the school know before Joyce that she was in the hospital, e.g.), wouldn’t your parent/s have had some questions about that relationship?

It is odd that Giles is so close to Buffy after all, if one does not know about the Watcher-Slayer thing.

 

[NotASlayer]

It is odd that Giles is so close to Buffy after all, if one does not know about the Watcher-Slayer thing.

I'm assuming that the perception filter afflicting Sunnydale's residents that gives them the ability to ignore much, much odder things - a werewolf in a cage and lots of sharp pointy objects in a school library as a fairly tame example - makes something like this seem utterly inconsequential.

That filter even got lampshaded by Willow and Buffy in B, B & B. Or was it in Gingerbread? Or both?

 

[AlphaFoxtrot]

Eh, Joyce invited both Darla and Dracula into her home. She's not very observant.

 

[famicommander]

Absolutely horrible mother.

-institutionalized Buffy prior to the start of the series
-constantly criticizes and believes the worst about her daughter
-as Buffy points out, she constantly cleans blood out of her daughter's clothing without asking why she was bleeding
-implied at points to be an alcoholic
-does not pick up on there being anything going on between Buffy and Angel when she catches Angel, an obviously adult man, in their house in the middle of the night
-does not notice her daughter sneaking out and wandering the streets for several hours virtually every single night for years
-kicks Buffy out of their home when Buffy "comes out" to her
-doesn't question Buffy's strangely close relationship with her middle aged school librarian

They softened her and made her more relatable after Dawn was created, probably to make us more sympathetic for Joyce's impending death, but when Buffy was actually a kid and needed her mother Joyce almost always fails her spectacularly.

 

[NotASlayer]

You may as well just say that every Sunnydale parent is a bad parent. After all, they are remaining in Sunnydale which has an appalling death rate for children, so much so that even the schoolkids comment on it, leaving them at a school where not only do pupils regularly die or go missing but where teachers are brutally murdered on a regular basis.

 

[Mott1]

In a strange way Joyce is one of the more complicated characters, with her mix of loyalty and love (The Body), bravery (School’s Out) along with betrayal (Gingerbread), naivety (Ted) and stubbornness (the s2 finale).

It’s fitting that even the soulless version of Spike was genuinely fond of her and the two had a good rapport, whilst her mistrust of Angel was oddly perceptive.