Buffy and Angelverse Fanfiction

[ConorG95]

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Hey guys this is my first time writing a Buffy fanfiction and it isnt completely finished yet but let me know what you think....

Buffy Fan-fiction

Chapter 1

One dark night in Los Angeles Angelus walks the streets revelling in the chaos and destruction that he has caused, when all of a sudden he hears chatter and fear amongst the demons and vampires that an old acquaintance of Angel has turned into a dark and dangerous dark magical force and fuelled by anger rage and fury has come to LA searching for Angelus... He then thinks to himself “Looks like Dark Willow has emerged" . Later on that night Lilah and Lindsey finish their meeting and are discussing the current chaos with the Sun blotting out due to the Beast when they are suddenly interrupted by Angelus ... “A birdy whispered in my ear that Willow has gone bad and is gunning for me" ... to which Lilah replied “Looks like you must have done something to piss her off then eh?” . “Yeah I did I killed her witch of a girlfriend” Angelus replied with a slight sadistic grin on his face. The next moment he knew time suddenly slowed down and the surrounding interior glass all destroyed with a telekinetic blast to which time resumed normally and Angelus found Dark Willow stood in front of him. Pale Black hair , Hollow Black eyes , numerous veins on her face dressed in all black , Angelus could smell the Dark magic that was enamoured around and within her . “Willow? Got your evil mojo on I see" to which she replied with fury in her eyes ... “Buffy may have failed to kill you but I wont make the same mistake” . “You're strong but you're not strong enough to take me on Willow” Angelus repeated with a reassuring confidence in his abilities as a vampire, “Oh trust me you haven't seen nothing yet vampire” .. “You must be Willow Rosenberg allow us to introduce ourselves I am Lilah and this is Lindsey” ... Dark willow clearly angry and not amused recited the spell “Excudo” which released a bolt of energy knocking back both Lilah and Lindsey sending them through the adjacent wall with considerable force knocking them both out . “This is just the beginning Angelus... Just you wait" before suspending him in the air with Telekinesis and throwing him out the top floor window of Wolfram and Hart before teleporting away for now in a violent gust of wind and Lightning. Dark Willow heard of the evil Demon Warlock Cyvus Vail and decided to pay him a little visit . “Miss Rosenberg I heard that you were in town but to be honest with you I could sense you coming from a mile away with the power you got" . “Your guards proved no match for me" she replied with a hollow blank expression on her face. “That's the way it goes sometimes" Cyvus replied. “I heard you were looking to take revenge on Angelus for killing your lover, I can help you” he expressed. Confident in her abilities she said “I don't need your assistance I only want your power" she said quite angrily , “I don't think you know who you're dealing with Miss Rosenberg I am not just your average demon I am unrivalled in magic here so I wont be so easy to defeat" . So the two of them engaged in magical battle . Cyvus went first throwing a fireball in her distance to which Dark Willow easily deflected with a Magical shield. “Da Mihi Vim" Latin for give me strength, Cyvus could feel the witches power multiply and goes to throw an energy blast until the Witches magic clearly overpowers the Demon Sorcerers as he is held down by magic Willow says “Time for a little boost” before draining the Warlocks power and snapping his neck giving her powers a much needed augmented boost.
Chapter 2
Angelus composed himself and managed to walk away after being thrown out of the top window of Wolfram and Hart muttering to himself “I hate witches" .. Angelus not usually one to work well with others decided that he might need some extra help to take down Dark Willow as she was too powerful to be taken on directly by just him he decides to pay The Beast a visit . The Beast a powerful demon and Enforcer of the Ex Power that Be Jasmine could sense the vampire and spoke “Angelus it has been some time", “Yeah its been a couple of hundred years since you knocked me out for refusing to help you Flunkie" Angelus replied clearly taking pleasure in mocking the Demon. “State your business” The Beast Replied. “I'm sure you have heard about our new evil guest here in L.A.” he spoke “Ah the witch yes I have heard of the trouble she has been causing , Killing Cyvus Vail , throwing you out of a window... haha" he laughed . “She’s very powerful for a Mortal “ the beast mentioned . “Yeah I had thought about that when she threw me through the window" ... “She has a very powerful amount of dark magic inside her" Angelus replied to the Beast... “Leave it to me, she wont be no match for me" said the Beast confident in his words. Dark Willow planned for her assault on the evil vampire Angelus to end this once and for all... despite Buffys clear objection to his death she didn't have much of a choice in the matter. She managed to track Angelus down as she didn't need magic to do it she could sense his essence. Unbeknownst to her the Beast was waiting for her too. She followed his essence to an abandoned factory. In an intimidating tactic Angelus decided to try the sneaky approach and catch the witch by surprise... But Dark Willow wasn't stupid as the vampire had forgotten that his essence could be sensed by the witch. “Come back to finish me off have you?” he said in an intimidating manner in an effort to piss the witch off. “Yes Big Bad now come out and face me like a true creature of the night" said the witch clearly bored of playing games , “You're only evil because I killed your witch of a girlfriend “ ... “Say that name again and I'll make your death slow, painful and Agonising... actually I plan on doing that anyway". “Let the games begin” said Angelus in a mocking tone .. Willow turned to see the giant horned demon stood a few feet away from her . “Dark Willow I presume" said the Beast. “This should be no trouble at all" he goes to hit Willow before she teleports away in a cloud of dark magic to a safe distance.

 

[CharlieGunn1]

This is a great first effort. Needs two things.

First. Paragraphs. Split up the different parts of the narrative with with a space to give us a chance to breath as read. IT might be that the program you used to type it didn't cut and past well. Feel free to use the editing buttons liberally when posting a new story. Below is my attempt at adding paragraphs:

Second. Punctuation. The ellipses (Ellipses -- The Punctuation Guide) 'the three dots...' need to be used a bit more sparingly. They can be a lot fun but.... too many makes reading a little... tough.

Third. Keep writing. Never stop writing. Write everyday, and don't stop because your not sure if it's good. Write until you feel your hands are tired, then keep writing. The more you write the better your writing will get. Good luck!

Chapter 1

One dark night in Los Angeles Angelus walks the streets revelling in the chaos and destruction that he has caused, when all of a sudden he hears chatter and fear amongst the demons and vampires that an old acquaintance of Angel has turned into a dark and dangerous dark magical force and fuelled by anger rage and fury has come to LA searching for Angelus... He then thinks to himself “Looks like Dark Willow has emerged" . Later on that night Lilah and Lindsey finish their meeting and are discussing the current chaos with the Sun blotting out due to the Beast when they are suddenly interrupted by Angelus ... “A birdy whispered in my ear that Willow has gone bad and is gunning for me" ... to which Lilah replied “Looks like you must have done something to piss her off then eh?” .

“Yeah I did I killed her witch of a girlfriend” Angelus replied with a slight sadistic grin on his face. The next moment he knew time suddenly slowed down and the surrounding interior glass all destroyed with a telekinetic blast to which time resumed normally and Angelus found Dark Willow stood in front of him. Pale Black hair , Hollow Black eyes , numerous veins on her face dressed in all black , Angelus could smell the Dark magic that was enamoured around and within her . “Willow? Got your evil mojo on I see" to which she replied with fury in her eyes ... “Buffy may have failed to kill you but I wont make the same mistake” . “You're strong but you're not strong enough to take me on Willow” Angelus repeated with a reassuring confidence in his abilities as a vampire, “Oh trust me you haven't seen nothing yet vampire” .. “You must be Willow Rosenberg allow us to introduce ourselves I am Lilah and this is Lindsey” ... Dark willow clearly angry and not amused recited the spell “Excudo” which released a bolt of energy knocking back both Lilah and Lindsey sending them through the adjacent wall with considerable force knocking them both out . “This is just the beginning Angelus... Just you wait" before suspending him in the air with Telekinesis and throwing him out the top floor window of Wolfram and Hart before teleporting away for now in a violent gust of wind and Lightning.

Dark Willow heard of the evil Demon Warlock Cyvus Vail and decided to pay him a little visit . “Miss Rosenberg I heard that you were in town but to be honest with you I could sense you coming from a mile away with the power you got" . “Your guards proved no match for me" she replied with a hollow blank expression on her face. “That's the way it goes sometimes" Cyvus replied. “I heard you were looking to take revenge on Angelus for killing your lover, I can help you” he expressed. Confident in her abilities she said “I don't need your assistance I only want your power" she said quite angrily , “I don't think you know who you're dealing with Miss Rosenberg I am not just your average demon I am unrivalled in magic here so I wont be so easy to defeat" .

So the two of them engaged in magical battle . Cyvus went first throwing a fireball in her distance to which Dark Willow easily deflected with a Magical shield. “Da Mihi Vim" Latin for give me strength, Cyvus could feel the witches power multiply and goes to throw an energy blast until the Witches magic clearly overpowers the Demon Sorcerers as he is held down by magic Willow says “Time for a little boost” before draining the Warlocks power and snapping his neck giving her powers a much needed augmented boost.

Chapter 2

Angelus composed himself and managed to walk away after being thrown out of the top window of Wolfram and Hart muttering to himself “I hate witches" .. Angelus not usually one to work well with others decided that he might need some extra help to take down Dark Willow as she was too powerful to be taken on directly by just him he decides to pay The Beast a visit . The Beast a powerful demon and Enforcer of the Ex Power that Be Jasmine could sense the vampire and spoke “Angelus it has been some time", “Yeah its been a couple of hundred years since you knocked me out for refusing to help you Flunkie" Angelus replied clearly taking pleasure in mocking the Demon.

“State your business” The Beast Replied. “I'm sure you have heard about our new evil guest here in L.A.” he spoke “Ah the witch yes I have heard of the trouble she has been causing , Killing Cyvus Vail , throwing you out of a window... haha" he laughed . “She’s very powerful for a Mortal “ the beast mentioned . “Yeah I had thought about that when she threw me through the window" ... “She has a very powerful amount of dark magic inside her" Angelus replied to the Beast... “Leave it to me, she wont be no match for me" said the Beast confident in his words. Dark Willow planned for her assault on the evil vampire Angelus to end this once and for all... despite Buffys clear objection to his death she didn't have much of a choice in the matter. She managed to track Angelus down as she didn't need magic to do it she could sense his essence. Unbeknownst to her the Beast was waiting for her too.

She followed his essence to an abandoned factory. In an intimidating tactic Angelus decided to try the sneaky approach and catch the witch by surprise... But Dark Willow wasn't stupid as the vampire had forgotten that his essence could be sensed by the witch. “Come back to finish me off have you?” he said in an intimidating manner in an effort to piss the witch off. “Yes Big Bad now come out and face me like a true creature of the night" said the witch clearly bored of playing games , “You're only evil because I killed your witch of a girlfriend “ ... “Say that name again and I'll make your death slow, painful and Agonising... actually I plan on doing that anyway". “Let the games begin” said Angelus in a mocking tone .. Willow turned to see the giant horned demon stood a few feet away from her . “Dark Willow I presume" said the Beast. “This should be no trouble at all" he goes to hit Willow before she teleports away in a cloud of dark magic to a safe distance.

 

[ILLYRIAN]

You should take note of which tense to use, while it is the norm to write books in past tense it does vary from book to book but you should not alter the tense IE you said that Angelus walks (present tense) and later in the same sentence you say about the destruction he has caused (past tense).

So your first line would become:
One dark night in Los Angeles Angelus walked the streets, he revelled in the chaos and destruction that he had caused. Argument could be made over the use of dark and night being used to describe the night, when did you last hear of a light night? If you were describing the darkness of the street signs or the cracks in the pavement that'd be a different story.

Write blocks of three lines solely for the purpose of it is easier for the viewer to read, also if they leave the room its easier to find where they were.
Then maybe look at sections such as he thinks to himself "Looks like Dark Willow has emerged. If he think that to himself you don't need to use speech marks, if you choose to use the single ' as a thought mark. So the sentence might read .. .. he thinks to himself, it looks like Dark Willow has emerged. Use the comma to depict what he thought.

 

[WillowFromBuffy]

later in the same sentence you say about the destruction he has caused (past tense).

Ummmmm ... Actually, this is the present perfect tense. It is a compound tense. The auxiliary verb is in the present tense. It would also be perfectly fine to use the regular past tense–"Angelus walks the street revelling in the destruction he caused–because it would still be obvious how the two events relate to each other in time. However, using the regular past tense would sorta isolate the event in the past, and seeing that Angelus's recent destruction is still very much relevant to his present, I think the author made a good choice.

Writing in the present tense is certainly a lot harder, because you are going to have to switch tenses quite often. You run into the same problem when you use the literary present to write about fiction. "Willow cries in "Consequences," because Xander had sex with Faith."